To a person who had to choose between suicide and begging
You write that all your worldly goods were sold off to a third party. When you found yourself out on the street with nothing and nobody, you headed to the cemetery, bent on killing yourself. You had no doubts or second thoughts about this. Exhausted by the vexations, you lay down on your parents’ grave and fell asleep. Your mother appeared to you in your sleep and berated you, saying that in the Kingdom of God there were plenty of people who had been beggars, but not a single one of those who had done away with themselves. That dream saved you from suicide. Your beloved mother really did save you, by God’s providence. You began to beg and to live off begging. And you’re asking if, by doing so, you’re transgressing God’s law.
Take courage. God gave the commandment: ‘Don’t steal’. He didn’t give any commandment ‘Don’t beg’. Begging without any real need is stealing, but in your case it isn’t. The general and emperor Justinian was left blind in his old age, with no possessions or friends. He would sit, blind, outside the courtyard of the throne and beg for a little bread. As a Christian, he didn’t permit himself to consider suicide. Because, just as life’s better than death, so it’s better to be a beggar than a suicide. [Saint Nikolaj seems to be confusing two people here. There was a medieval Latin legend that Belisarius, Justinian’s great general, had his eyes put out and ended his days as a beggar, but this is generally, though not universally, held to be spurious. WJL]
You say that you’re overcome with shame and that your sorrow’s deep. You stand at night outside the coffee-shop that used to be yours and ask for money from those who go in and out. You remember that, until recently, you were the owner of the coffee-shop and now you don’t dare go in even as a customer. Your eyes are red from weeping and lamentation. Comfort yourself. God’s angels aren’t far from you. Why are you crying about the coffee-shop? Haven’t you heard of the coffee-shop at the other end of Belgrade where it says: ‘Someone’s it wasn’t; someone’s it won’t be’? Whoever wrote those words was a true philosopher. Because that’s true of all the coffee-shops, all houses all the castles and all the palaces in the world.
What have you lost? Something that you didn’t have when you were born and which isn’t yours now. You were the boss, now you’re poor. That’s not loss. Loss is when a person becomes a beast. But you were a person and have remained so. You signed some papers for certain of your prominent customers and now your coffee-shop’s in the hands of a stranger. Now you look through the window and see everybody laughing, just the way they used to, and you’re wandering the streets with tears in your eyes and covered in shame. Never fear, God’s just. They’ll all have to answer for their misdeeds. But when they attempt to commit suicide, who’s to say whether the merciful Lord will allow their mothers to appear to them from the other world in order to keep them from the crime? Don’t consider them successful even for a moment. Because you don’t know how they’ll end up. A wise man in ancient Greece said: ‘Never call anybody happy before the end’. It’s difficult to be a beggar? But aren’t we all? Don’t we all depend, every hour of every day, on the mercy of Him Who gives us a life to lead? Now you’ve got an important mission in the world: to engage people’s attention so that they remember God and their soul and to be charitable. Since you’re forced to live in silence, delve into your soul and talk to God through prayer. The life of a beggar’s more heroic than that of a boss. ‘For gold is tested in the fire and accepted people in the furnace of humility’ (Sir. 2, 5). But you’ve already demonstrated heroism by rejecting the black thought of suicide. This is a victory over the spirit of despondency. After this victory, all the others will be easy for you. The Lord will be at your side.
Peace and comfort from the Lord!
St. Nicholas Velimirovich
http://agapienxristou.blogspot.ca/2014/09/letter-to-person-who-had-to-choose.html
Life gets busy and we don’t step back enough to see what we might be doing as parents to hurt our children’s spiritual growth. Being an intentional Orthodox Christian parent is hard work…but it’s worth it. We have a legacy of faith, wisdom and experience we can pass on to our kids if we pay attention. But if we don’t—we could cause more harm than good.
1. Buying them smartphones. People look at us like we’re freaks, but my husband and I refuse to buy smartphones for our kids. Not only are they expensive, but they allow unsupervised access to the internet, among many other faults. Some parents trick themselves into believing their kids will use internet on their smartphones for “educational” purposes. Yeah right. Don’t fool yourself. The internet, like the TV, is the devil’s playground when it’s not properly supervised. Your job as a parent is to protect your child’s innocence as long as possible. There’s a whole lot of nasty garbage out there that puts thoughts and ideas into their heads that they don’t need. Right now, their souls are like flowers just barely beginning to bloom. Don’t kill that spiritual growth with the world’s evils. And texting? Really, why do kids need texting? Have you looked around lately at all the kids glued to their phones because they’re so hooked on them they can’t put them down. Geez, don’t assist them in losing their childhood. Let kids be kids. Unplug them now because they don’t know how and they need your help.
2. Unsupervised computer use without parental controls. As with smartphones, the internet is full of temptations kids don’t have the ability to deal with. Statistics show the average nine year old has already been exposed to porn on the net.
Do not put a computer in their room. And if there already is one in there, take it out and put it in a prominent area of your home. Seriously, this is their innocence and their soul we’re talking about here. Our kids work on the computer in our family room where the screen is in our view. They can’t log in without our passwords, and we also have them keep to a two-hour computer time limit (which the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends) with breaks in between. Then, we send them outside to get fresh air and to do what kids are supposed to do—play.
3. Encouraging dating in early teen years. We’re pushing off dating as long as possible. Why? I don’t believe putting kids in tempting situations is good for them. Just because you may have dated at an early age and survived doesn’t mean they will. STD’s are at an all-time high. Early intimate relationships also increase risk of depression and suicide. They are still growing and learning about life. Doing things adults do in relationships is not only dangerous, but it’s a heck of an emotional load to put on a kid. They’ve got enough to worry about with homework, sports and college. You might think it’s cute, but when your child ends up telling you they’re pregnant or they have Herpes—it’s not so cute.
4. Being lax about prayer and going to church. In a world where the word religion is looked at as a bad word, and kids are being told rules don’t matter anymore—church is desperately needed. We do not pray enough. Our kids need to see us pray, and they need to see us make church a priority. And what if they tell you they don’t want to go? Go anyway. You’re the parent. Kids need structure, and they need to see you as an example of someone who strives to put God first, before everything else.
5. Not talking about the issues they face. Just because they act like everything is okay doesn’t mean it is. It’s crucial to connect with your kids every day. Show you care by asking about their day and actually listening to them. Take them out for dessert or to a coffee shop for one-on-one time. Ask their opinion on things with school, their teachers, friends, church—whatever. Help them by offering a non-judgmental, loving example of the Church’s viewpoint on current issues. Kids are confused today because the world is telling them so many things are okay that the church is saying are not. You can be the voice of reason and sanity for them, and by showing them respect and listening—they’re more likely to hear you.
6. Paganizing Christianity. Some things just aren’t Christian, no matter how you try to make them that way. While it’s great to have healthier alternatives, we can’t Christianize everything. Sadly, public school dances in many schools have now become a showcase of blatant immorality. My jaw almost dropped to the floor when my teenage daughter told me her junior high school’s dance last year included lap dancing and pole dancing. Then she mentioned later that “grinding” was rampant, and the punch got spiked. Huh? Yes, that’s right. Because the parent chaperones were afraid to say something, the kids got away with it. Throw in oversexualized lyrics, peer pressure, hormones and brains that haven’t grown completely—and you get a recipe for disaster. Come up with your own ways to celebrate that don’t include being immoral. This year, to substitute for a school dance, we’re looking at renting a boat and having our kids invite a friend to come along. We don’t mind spending a little money to give our kids a fun time with friends. Why waste a miserable night chaperoning a dance when our kids could have a better, cleaner time doing something fun with friends?
7. Too much freedom. It blows me away how many parents don’t know where their kids are these days. First of all, friends are important, but it’s the family that sticks around for the long haul. Parents should not feel embarrassed to require their kids to be home for dinner and to know their whereabouts. And no, I don’t drop my kids off at the mall. What good things happen at the mall anyway? Involve them in church youth groups and volunteer organizations and sports, but be careful how much time they spend wandering aimlessly with friends who might not always be the best influence. Don’t let them back you in a corner. It’s okay to put your foot down and say no on some of their activities. As long as they know you love and respect them, they will eventually understand ( it might be when they’re 30, but they will thank you later).
8. Ignoring the value of hard work. Do your kids do regular chores? If not, why not? You are robbing them of valuable opportunities that will raise their self-esteem and help them learn skills they will use all their life. Aside from that, they live in your house, and you are not a maid. Enough said.
9. Not teaching them manners. The other day, two teenage boys walked into a door in front of me and let the door swing back in my face. They just kept talking and didn’t even look back. I can hold a door open myself just fine, but I think it’s a good thing to teach teen boys and girls to look out for the person behind them. Teach them to say excuse me when they bump into someone or walk in front of them. Kids today could really use a lesson in manners. You will do the world a lot of good to teach them to respect and honor others like our faith teaches.
10. Money doesn’t grow on trees. One day, they will be on their own and will need to know how to pay bills. Teach them at an early age that doing work is how they get money. Have them do jobs to earn their spending money. Teach them to tithe 10% to charity, like the Bible teaches, and show them how to invest. Proverbs has a lot of great verses to show kids the importance of being wise with finances and planning ahead. There is a time to give money to kids, but be careful. Many kids are getting money way too easily, without understanding its value.
There isn’t a blueprint out there for how to raise morally aware kids, in an increasingly immoral world. But there is hope. We have more power than we realize.
Remembering that we have the church to guide us, and Orthodox Christian friends and family who are going through the same thing, helps.
It’s so important that we do the hard things sometimes, and step up to the plate. Our kids need us to be strong and guide them to the right thing.
http://agapienxristou.blogspot.ca/2014/09/10-ways-orthodox-parents-set-children.html
http://myocn.net/10-ways-orthodox-parents-set-children-up-for-moral-failure/
All the saints wrote many praises to our Panagia. But I, the poor one, have found no words more elegant or sweet to describe her, than to cry out to her at every moment: '' My dear Mother! My dear,
sweet Mother! When my soul departs may it come into thy hands, and through them may it be given to its Creator, thine Only-begotten Son.
Elder Joseph the Hesychast
Our aim is to know God in a direct way, not intellectually or through reason. This is often referred to as receiving the light of Christ. When we receive this light we experience a sense of joy. When it is a light sent by the devil we feel a bit of agitation or obscureness.
Saint Seraphim says,
The Christian heart, when it has received something divine, does not demand anything else in order to convince it that this is precisely from the Lord...
Saint Seraphim also gives many pointers about how to prepare to receive this gift of light.
He says,
To receive and behold in the heart the light of Christ, one must, as far as possible, divert one's attention away from the visible objects. Having purified the soul beforehand by repentance and good deeds, and with faith in the Crucified, having closed the bodily eyes, immerse the mind within the heart, in which place cry out with the invocation of the name of our Lord Jesus Christ; and then, to the measure of one's zeal and warmth of spirit toward the Beloved, a man finds in the invoked name a delight which awakens the desire to seek higher illumination.
What is important to remember that this gift comes after we have purified our heart and soul of its attachment to the passions of the body and one is committed to a life of ongoing repentance and good deeds, including participation in the sacraments of the Church.
Saint Seraphim goes on to describe this gift.
When a man beholds the eternal light interiorly, his mind is pure and has no sensory representations, but, being totally immersed in contemplation of uncreated goodness, he forgets everything sensory and wishes not even to see himself; he desires rather to hide himself in the heart of the earth if only he not be deprived of this true good--God.This is the gift that is available to all who are willing to cooperate with God and undertake the necessary preparation.
Reference: Little Russian Philokalia, Vol 1, pp 46-47
In Orthodox teaching we learn that all of Creation is good. After each step of Creation, God said that everything is "very good." (Gen 1:31) So what is the source of evil?
Here is how St. Paisios explained it to a pilgrim.
Evil exists when we make wrong use of the things of God granted to us for our benefit.
It is not bad for someone to have money, but it is bad to be avaricious. Drugs are not an evil thing, when used to relieve the pain of people who suffer. They are bad when used for a different purpose. A knife is a useful utensil, when we use it to cut bread. However, when it is used to hit someone, it becomes a deadly weapon. In this case, it is not the knife which is evil, but the inner disposition of the murderer.
Therefore, we must use everything in the right way, the natural way, not abuse them and go against nature.
Since we are weak by nature, when we are inclined to give in to a passion, we should try to avoid anything that makes us feel vulnerable. We should also be aware that the reason we avoid the causes of our passions is not because they are evil themselves; but rather, because our ill inner disposition does not permit us to use them correctly.
Since we cannot benefit from them, it is better to avoid them, so they do not harm us. At the same time, we should glorify God for His gifts, and blame ourselves for abusing them and thus provoking the evil.
St. Paisios
